Choices

The Mad Ventriloquist is confused.

Really, really really confused.

Christmas was pretty good. Derek cooked and there were presents, and things were good until David showed up. Then there was a lot of yelling and a couple times people walked out. And then there was a lot of talking about feelings and everything turned out ok. Derek doesn't like to consider David his father, but they really do act like family.

It was only after that when things got confusing.

The Mad Ventriloquist is getting married.

That would probably be confusing enough. He hasn't seen David for years, and they only really started dating a few months ago. And even that was just sorta dating. Like, no one said anything about it. They just sort of did dating things. Not all that often either, since The Mad Ventriloquist was running around trying not to die and David was running around doing whatever he does. Yet The Mad Ventriloquist wanted to ask him. And apparently David wanted to ask The Mad Ventriloquist because they sort of ended up asking at the same time. And all of this can't help but have The Mad Ventriloquist think about how wrong it is.

Of course, The Mad Ventriloquist has done a lot of bad things. This is the only sin that he doesn't regret.

Still, it's very confusing. And he is feeling happy and scared and all sorts of things about it. But David didn't stop there.

He wants The Mad Ventriloquist to join the slender man.

He made some very good points too. About how that would probably protect Derek. About the chance of destroying things from the inside. About how he didn't want to see The Mad Ventriloquist die.

It was really hard to tell him no. But he did.

David said that it isn't going to stop him. That he'll find a way to convince The Mad Ventriloquist.

The Mad Ventriloquist is worried about that.

He's actually scared about the man he's going to marry.

This is all very confusing.

Also, the building across the street is on fire.

The day for stories

The Mad Ventriloquist believes in the power of stories. While he does not think that they change the world, they change minds. They give knowledge. That is very important, so the stories must be told. A while ago, a man tried to fight with stories. Today was supposed to be the day to do it. Today is a day for stories. So The Mad Ventriloquist will tell them.

A man opens the door to find his friend there, but he is not alone. Two children stand beside him, a girl clinging to his leg and a boy that looks like he's about to run. "Their parents died." the friend explained. "You mean you killed them." the man said. The boy glared and the girl let go of the friend's leg for a brief second. "Couldn't bring myself to kill the kids." The friend continued, "I'm taking care of them now." They stood in the doorway for a few minutes. "My house is not an orphanage David." he said, but he let them in anyway.

-----

Dear Mr. Ventrilloquist,
 I write to you, because I choose to. I have seen many that want to find truth, but none that seem to take it so hard to heart than you.
I have seen others like you, but you are the one I choose. It amy seem circular, but I feel you will understand. First off, I refuse to call you
mad, for I would have to admit that I am as well. I am not ready to do this. I have seen many things. I have studied many things. He is among
the strange, that I have seen, but not the only terror, that I have learned. These terrors, such as Him, are beyond good, or evil, at least in
men. It is about surviving, and not letting the things that lurk in the dark win. I hate losing, I really do. Iguess I sohuld get to the point,
then. It seems alot of us, that have seen, tend to not get our thoughts in order well. I am reaching out, to tell my story, and possibly help.
I will spare the long details, but I saw Him. It was in passing, and he was not looking for me. He has never looked for me, and I do not know why.
I am not sure if I am blessed, or damage goods, or simply not desireable. Not something a girl wants to thing about. I hear voices, long before
I heard about what He does to your mind. He's the scariest one of the dark, by far, but maybe my mind is just strange. I started studying Him, and
I found out that he goes after poeple that know about him. As I said, I am not sure why I am not a target. Possibly because everyone I know is
already dead, long before I knew about Him. As I said, I have seen dark things, and knowing dark people. Mob is such an ugly word. I want my story
to be known by someone. I don't do well, just trying to say it. I'm not sure if I'm even making sense. I have never felt so on the outside, when
it seems it is all around me. I cannot take being passive any longer.
 Awaiting your response,
  T.

-----

It was Christmas, and a man attempted to cook a nice dinner. It got burnt, which he probably should have expected. He was never very good at cooking. There was a knock on the door and there stood a friend. "Where's Derek?" the man asked. The friend shrugged his shoulders. As if he wasn't hurt. He says he doesn't lie, but that's only in words. "He left. Says he doesn't want anything to do with me. So be it."

It was a very gloomy Christmas.

-----

A year ago, a man stood in a forest. He waited for a monster to show up, for a destiny to be fufilled. He waited to die. And while he was afraid, he was ready. The monster didn't show. The stand didn't work.

And yet

The internet flooded with stories that day. Weird stories, bloody stories, heartbreaking stories. They all had the same purpose. This man rode to battle. He defeated the slender man. So many stories. So many versions.

The monster never showed up. There was no battle. A good man was lost.

But there were so many stories.

Despite all the fear, all the doubt. Despite the fact that it didn't work. People wrote. People made stories and they gave themselves a chance to hope. They came together and the story unified them.

Doesn't that mean something?

Thanksgiving

The Mad Ventriloquist doesn't usually celebrate Thanksgiving. For a long time, he had a hard time thinking about what to be greatful for. So he just drank beer and watched football and sort of forgot that it was a holiday.

It turns out things are different at Derek's house. He had gotten a whole turkey, even though he lives by himself and wasn't expecting The Mad Ventriloquist. He says that he uses the stuff he doesn't eat on Thanksgiving as leftovers. Sandwhiches, stews, bits of pieces for casserole. He like the turkey, and there's something about taking all day to cook one that he enjoys. The Mad Ventriloquist doesn't understand it, but when Derek made the turkey he looked very happy. So he didn't say anything about it being weird.

He did say lots of things about the timing being bad though. The Mad Ventriloquist wanted to leave. Wanted to keep all this and the slender man away from Derek. But he said no. Said that the shoulder needed healing and since The Mad Ventriloquist was there already, they might as well sit down at a meal together and figure out what they were thankful for.

Derek said that's why he likes Thanksgiving. It's the one time of year that he can look at everything, and realize there are a lot of things about his life that he likes. A lot of things that don't suck.

The Mad Ventriloquist sometimes think he and David did Derek a great wrong. They tried to prepare him for the world. Tried to make him strong. But really all they taught him was that there were bad people in the world.

They must have done something right, though. Derek's a wonderful man. He and The Mad Ventriloquist talked and ate and caught up and talked more. It was all really nice, actually. It made him realize a lot of things, actually.

The Mad Ventriloquist realizes that while he was enjoying turkey with David's son, the safe house Hope was destroyed. Awfully. And that is really sad and awful and The Mad Ventriloquist's heart goes out to those who died.

At the same time, Thanksgiving this year made him realize something. There is always hope. There is always a tiny light in the dark. A friend, a helping hand, something.

People are in very dark spots. The Mad Ventriloquist finally saw the slender man. He understands now more than he ever has before. He felt fear deeper than all those years trying to go outside. Deeper than any fear he had ever had. He came in without warning. He injured The Mad Ventriloquist. Then he just stood there, staring. He left after a while, as suddenly as he had come. The whole thing was great and terrible.

Yet, despite it all, Derek took The Mad Ventriloquist by the hand, and told him to stay. Had him have a nice thanksgiving turkey dinner. Talked about cabinets and mountains and life and beautiful things. And The Mad Ventriloquist couldn't help but think of beautiful things as well.

There is always something to be thankful for.

Posting after a long time

A lot of things have happened to The Mad Ventriloquist since the last time he posted. He went to Hope. He left Hope. He went to Derek's. The slender man invaded, which probably means that David's going to kill The Mad Ventriloquist slowly. Derek hit him with an axe though. After shooting him with a shotgun. It was nice to see him all grown up and trying to kill things, even if it didn't work very well.

The Mad Ventriloquist realizes that he's never said who Derek was. And now he's trying to figure out how to say that. And he's just getting confused. It's a really long story.

Anyway, there was a slender man attack at Derek's house and he is fine but The Mad Ventriloquist has a pretty bad shoulder wound. He's staying here for a while, since apparently giving up The Mad Ventriloquist's protection gave up Derek's as well.

He's really sorry about that.

He's also sorry that this post probably doesn't make any sense. He is wounded. And there's no beer.

The Notebook: The apartment

The apartment that the address led them to was on the first floor of a building in a forgotten part of town.It was worn down, old, and supposed to be vacant. Minori talked to the landlord about it, and while he suspected squatters he couldn't prove anything. Just strange noises at strange hours. Residents claiming that they saw people going in but not out. He had thought about calling it haunted and bringing in the tourists. The Mad Ventriloquist thought this was a good idea. Minori was not amused.

They were allowed inside, and it seemed vacant. The landlord seemed a bit creeped out by the whole thing and left downstairs but let them look around for a while. That's exactly what they did. Minori took one side of the room, The Mad Ventriloquist took the other. They didn't really talk much. He assumed that Minori was still mad at him. And he wasn't really sure what to say to her at this point.

"Did you know there was a hallway over here?" Minori asked, breaking the silence. The Mad Ventriloquist looked over to her. She was in a corner of the room that was a little hard to see, but he was pretty sure was just a wall. It wasn't. "Wait here." She said, beginning to walk through the hallway.

The Mad Ventriloquist followed.

She turned around and he thought she was going to aim her gun at him again, but she didn't. "It's a strange hallway. You'll need backup. It's why I'm here." he said, and she didn't look very happy but she agreed.

The hallway led into another room, which was empty except for a hole in the ground. The walls were lined with various graffiti marks that The Mad Ventriloquist didn't recognize at the time. "We should go." he said, and Minori backed up a few inches. Then she stopped. "It's just you and me Ronan." she said, "If we leave now, we have no way to come back to this lead. I'll never know what happened."

She walked forward, gun at the ready, and looked into the hole. Before The Mad Ventriloquist could get to where she was, she was already climbing down a ladder attached to it. "I need you up here, in case someone comes in. Only come down if you hear something." With that, she dropped down, and all The Mad Ventriloquist saw of her was the glow of her flashlight slowly fade away.

She had been gone for ten minutes when he heard a scream and two gunshots. The Mad Ventriloquist climbed down there as quickly as he could and tried his best to follow the noise. The place didn't have many tunnels, but it still took a while. By the time he found her, another shot had been fired.

The Mad Ventriloquist finally caught up to her, and saw she was pinning down a man. It was too dark to properly see his face. There was a dampness next to the ground that was obviously blood though.  He saw Minori draw her arm back, and there was a dull thud as it came back and made contact with the man's face. He noticed her gun was still in her hand. She reached back and did it again. And again.

The man just laughed. He talked about her sister, about the tall man, about how the whole city was doomed. She didn't really seem to be listening. She just kept on hitting him over and over until the laughter became shrieks of pain, and even past then. After The Mad Ventriloquist recovered from the shock he pulled her off the man and wrestled the gun out of her hand.

The man laughed and coughed a bit. The Mad Ventriloquist focused on Minori. "What are you doing? You don't even know who this guy is. And I know you're smart enough to not fire a gun in a space like this." She didn't seem to register what he was saying for a brief second. She was shaking in rage, and trying to escape from The Mad Ventriloquist's grip. It didn't last long though, and the anger slowly turned into shock and horror. She took a deep breath and looked at The Mad Ventriloquist. "I overreacted. The shots were... I saw him. The tall man. He was here."

The Mad Ventriloquist looked around. The gun shots didn't seem to have hit anyone despite being in a tunnel. He didn't see the bullets. He didn't see any exit aside from the one he came through either. "Where did he go?" He asked and Minori just shook her head.

"You two are fools." the man said, laughing again. Minori looked like she was going to lunge at him again, but controlled herself this time. "Who is he. Tell me." she said. The man didn't. "You look so much like your sister, you know. Have I told you what her face looked like as he ripped her piece by piece? Did I say what she sounded like when he found her heart? We've heard of you, Minori Ryan. We know all about you. And the way you're going, you'll end up just like her. I hope I'm there to watch."

This time, The Mad Ventriloquist almost didn't hold her back.

Minori calmed herself down again and looked at him. "Get me out of here. Now." He thought it was a strange request until he looked down and realized that the blood wasn't from the man. The bullet had ricocheted into her leg. The Mad Ventriloquist picked her up and backed out of the room. He didn't want to turn his back to the man. "You can't beat him." he said. The Mad Ventriloquist ignored him.

They went to Minori's apartment and The Mad Ventriloquist called a doctor who was good with bullet wounds and didn't ask questions. He waited with her and did what he could to stop the bleeding. She had been pretty lucky. It wasn't going to kill her. "What the hell did I do?" she asked softly as The Mad Ventriloquist sat by her. "You shot before thinking." he answered. "Not that." she said. He didn't know how to answer.

The room was quiet for a while, before The Mad Ventriloquist spoke. "He deserved it." he said. Minori shook her head. "No one deserves that. I lost control of myself. I forgot who I was." she answered. This didn't make too much sense to The Mad Ventriloquist. "What if that is actually who you are? There's no shame in it." he asked. Minori just shook her head again, but didn't say anything other than that.

"So you saw him" The Mad Ventriloquist asked. "Yeah. And don't you dare call me crazy," she said, "but I don't think he's human." He just stared at her for a minute. She glared, and he nodded eventually.

The doctor came and they didn't have to talk anymore.

Courage

David's come back.

I woke up last night to a smell that I thought I had forgotten. Turns out I haven't. Gasoline is gasoline is gasoline and smelling it anywhere other than a gas station is usually a really bad sign. So I woke up and turned on a light. Gasoline was everywhere. On the floor, on my couch cushions, it was even near my bed. I'm not sure how I slept through that. I must have been very drunk. Now that I think about it, I had a bit of a hangover.

Which was probably why the music was so loud. It started a few minutes after I turned on the light. Some kind of rock bad. Female vocalist. I followed the music to a window in the living room. David was standing about fifteen feet from my house. With him was a lighter, a boombox, a fire extinguisher, and a megaphone. A trail of gasoline was right in front of him.

He saw me, and picked up the megaphone. "I thought I'd help you get out of the house." he said, then looked at what seemed to be a case of some sort, "You have about fifteen minutes to pack. Or stop me. Either way."

"What if I don't get out?" I yelled back at him. He gestured towards the fire extinguisher. "I'll get you out. I'm not going to hurt you Ronan."

I believed him. I really did. But at the same time, the threat of fire isn't pleasant. And his rescue plan didn't seem well thought out. So I tried to get out of the building. I really did. I stood at the doorway for five minutes. The boombox changed songs a couple times. I couldn't do it. Of course things hadn't started burning yet. I had a good sense of preservation. I might get out once there was fire. So I went to pack.

This probably sounds really silly, reading this. That I just talked to David as he threatened to burn my house down. But I was scared and helpless and I couldn't do anything but hope I could get my more precious things out before I was dealing with a lot of hot fire.

I went to my room and started putting things in the bag least soaked with gasoline. My laptop, some clothes, a pack of beer, some music I particularly liked. My baseball bat.

I stopped when I got to my baseball bat.

I had done a lot of damage with that, back when I was a bad guy. Back when I wasn't afraid of anything. Sometimes I thought that the me from the past might look at me now and laugh. He'd laugh a lot. I was a failure who couldn't do anything. Who drowned himself in beer and tried to help people he never met but ultimately made them hurt. I was now in a soon to be burning building, just waiting for it to blow up.

What had happened to me?

I held my baseball bat and remembered all the painful things. Minori's empty eyes when I had last saw her, The dead bodies I had found, David with Minori, the family I had betrayed. I didn't want to lose anyone. Didn't want to hurt them anymore. I was so afraid of the pain, that I just kept on hurting. At that moment, I decided all this pain had to stop. And only I could do that.

I took hold of my baseball bat and went to the door. I didn't even stop at the doorway, just went outside and towards David. He smiled for a minute before I caught up to him and swung. He stumbled back and I swung again. I swung until he was on the ground. I probably broke a few bones. Not that it would stop David if he was motivated, but it would slow him down. He started laughing and I stopped for a moment.

"Hello Ronan." he said, and the hand with the lighter in it moved. I raised my baseball bat, but he signaled me to wait and put the lighter in his pocket. "You're out of the house." I looked back and noticed that I was. There was no panic. No fear. I realized it was what I had to do, and I did it. Everyone always says that's where true courage is. Perhaps they're right.

"What do you think you're doing?" I asked. I had meant to yell at him, but it came out as a low whisper. Cold and threatening. I remembered that voice, that conviction. It was almost like coming home. David recognized it too, and he smiled more. "I'm helping you." he said.

"Well stop helping. I don't need you to fight my battles for me." I answered.

"I don't want to fight your battles. I want to stand by your side."

I hesitated at that.

I know many of you don't like David. You have good reasons. He's a monster. I don't have any delusions about that. I've known him for around twenty years. I've seen him laugh in the middle of a murder. I've seen him do far worse than that. I know him more than anyone else. And because of that, I see what many others don't. I can't really explain it. Even if I did, it's possible you wouldn't believe me. But part of me will always like David, no matter what he does.

That part of me is what convinced me to lean down towards David and kiss him.

It was long and sweet and gentle and don't rub this in Elaine it's complicated enough already.

A song started. I sort of liked it. sort of slow, sort of sad, sort of hopeful. "This is it." David said, pulling away from me, "What are you going to do now?"

I looked over at my house. The only place I had felt safe for six years. My prison. "I'm going to fight him, David." I said, "I can't let him do this any more."

David looked sad and happy at the same time. I don't know how that works. "You know if you go after the slender man, my deal can't protect you anymore." he told me. I nodded. Then he put something into my hand. It was the lighter. I looked at my house one more time. Then I lit the trail of gasoline.

let the flames begin

When The Mad Ventriloquist first started using third person, he hadn't meant to use it to run away. He just thought that if the slender man used thought to find people, typing without first person would make it confusing. It was protection. When he decided to stop hiding he dropped it. But he's going to start again. Because now he really is in danger from the man in the business suit. But it's what he has to do. So he will.

The Mad Ventriloquist is reborn.

The Notebook: Jane and Alexis

I still feel like using The Mad Ventriloquist on this entry. Sometimes I find myself slipping back into He and She and name titles. A little of it's habit. A little of it's being afraid. I'm not this person anymore. At least, I hope I'm not. So I don't want to say this is me. I don't want to remember it like that.

But I have to.

It had been weeks since I had seen Minori. Since the fight. I had thought about just leaving things be. It all seemed stupid, after all. But I had a job to do, and I took my job very seriously. So I found someone Minori might be interested in, and sent her the information and the time I would be there. She showed up.

Jane checked herself into the asylum after witnessing a violent crime and suspecting she was responsible for another. She seemed normal at first, if scared. And perhaps a little distant.

"I can't help you with anythin." she said, "I don't remember any of it. John had been a bit crazy lately, looking out of windows and drawing symbols and stuff. He came by my house that day. Told me he was in trouble. All I remember after that is all the blood. There was blood everywhere. It was like that the second time, too. I was just talking. Then they were dead. I can't tell you anything else."

I believed her. So did Minori. We were about to leave when I thought of something. "Does Alexis remember?"  I asked her, and if it was possible she looked even more scared. "I don't know." she answered, "Even if she does, you don't want to talk to her."

I sat back down.

"Jane, please listen to me. My friend Minori and I are trying to find a killer, and it's possible that you saw something that could help us. I know you're afraid. I read about Alexis. I understand why you don't want us to talk to her. But a lot of people could be saved if you let us. And there are guards here. Minori herself is a police officer. She can protect herself. It's safe. So can you please let us talk to Alexis?"

She nodded, but looked uncertain. "I don't know if I can. I don't control her." she began, but she cut off and stared off into space for a moment. Then she stopped shaking and smiled. She wasn't afraid anymore. "What do you want to know?" she said.

Minori took over the questioning.

We were there a long time. Alexis talked in circles sometimes. She seemed to find it funny to confuse us. With me it wasn't that hard. But eventually, we came to what we needed. The tall man had been there.

"Do you know who he is?" Minori asked, and Alexis just laughed.

"You don't know anything, do you? Who is he? That's a silly question. Do you still think he's human? That he can be found by logical means? You have fallen into a deep dark pit, little girl. Your laws won't help you here. He is a monster. He is a god. He is the things that you can't explain and never will. You can't fight this. It's funny you think you can. If you were smart, you'd turn away from this. But you don't strike me as smart." She said, then leaned over and whispered something in Minori's ear. After that, she stared for a moment and she was back to being terrified.

"Thank you Jane." I said, and we left.

Minori stopped me outside of the asylum, before I left. "Thank you for finding her." she said. I nodded a bit. "So what did she tell you?" I asked. Minori looked at me for a moment, took a deep breath, then looked away. "An address." she answered. "So When are we going?" I replied.

For a moment I thought she was going to go for her gun. She just glared at me though. "Just because you found a good lead doesn't mean I can trust you. I'm going alone." she said. I glared right back at her. "My job is to help you. I'm helping you. You don't know what's going to be there." I told her.

Then she yelled at me.

She yelled at me for manipulating the girl inside to give us information. She yelled at me for manipulating her. For trying to jerk her every which way when all she wanted to do was find out what had happened to her sister. As soon as she mentioned Sakura, she stopped yelling. Like just thinking about the girl had made her stop being angry, and just feel sad.

"I looked up Declan." She said, "He was murdered. Knife wound. But it says they never found out who did it."

"The cops never found out who did it. I did."

"Did you kill him?"

"No. Things got complicated."

She went up to me then, and put a hand on my cheek. It was nothing sexual, just brief human contact. Some sort of understanding. Even as it was, I almost hit her. I was not very good with people touching me. "Sometimes I feel like you really are some sort of monster. That you're the scum I always thought you were. But sometimes I think there's more to you. All that empathy you use to manipulate people. It comes from somewhere. I'm beginning to wonder if you care."

I probably should have hit her at that point. But I didn't. And she walked away.

She called me two days later with the address.