Thursday, February 9, 2012

I keep moving

Really, moving is all I can do. Which bugs the hell out of me actually. I'm not used to feeling powerless. But I know when I'm in over my head. So I travel from place to place, leaving markers so that if Ronan ever gets out of this mess he can find me. It means David can find me too, but there's a down side to everything.
I had thought that there might be another attack, now that Ronan is gone. I can hold my own, but without him with me I don't think I'd stand a chance with all these proxies people talk about. But it's been quiet. A little too quiet for me to trust it. Before, there was this nagging feeling that we were being watched. Even when there was no one following us, when there was no sight of danger, there was a feeling of dread that just loomed over everything. That's gone, and for one reason or another that makes me even more wary.

And I don't get why I'm so worried about Ronan. He can take care of himself. And even if he couldn't, perhaps he deserves this fate. He was there through everything David put me through. He saw what he did to me. He heard Lily cry. He was there when David killed her.

But he didn't do anything. Ronan never tried to stop him.

I feel like I'm on the verge of forgiving him of this. Of letting go all the wrongs he ever did to me, and all the countless wrongs he didn't protect me from. Because it is true that he's changed. I've seen it in his eyes. I see it in everything he does.

This just doesn't seem like something I should ever forgive him for.


  1. What?
    But I thought she...

    Um. Right. Forgiveness is good. They've both come a long way, I don't think it would be a bad thing to let it go, and it'd probably feel pretty good for you, too.

  2. Should doesn't mean a damn thing these days.

  3. Oh my god, how did I miss this the first time through? David killed Lily.. and Ronan did nothing to stop it? What the FUCK, Ronan? That was like your daughter!

  4. The Mad Ventriloquist doesn't really like to talk about Lily, but he should clear this up. David didn't kill Lily. Not exactly. It was kinda sorta his fault maybe? But he didn't kill her.

    Lily died of Pneumonia. If David had talked to a doctor or the hospital, they would have taken her and Derek away. So he got a doctor that helped with the mob sometimes.

    He wasn't very good at illnesses.

    Derek still blames him.

    David still blames himself too.

    1. Are you fucking kidding me? Out of all the assassin bullshit David has picked up, he couldn't figure out how to do a snatch and grab after she was treated? ARE YOU FUCKING SERIOUS? What a selfish douchebag. He would have preferred she die than the two of them being taken away? Such fucked up priorities. Ronan, why in the bloody hell didn't you step in and say something? You don't have to give your names when you check into the hospital! You can walk out! LEAVE AND START RUNNING WITH THE KIDS. Or use the Path of Black Leaves, if you can. Seriously, this stupid as hell.

      Spilled milk now. Water under the bridge. But fuck, what a goddamn waste.