Really, moving is all I can do. Which bugs the hell out of me actually. I'm not used to feeling powerless. But I know when I'm in over my head. So I travel from place to place, leaving markers so that if Ronan ever gets out of this mess he can find me. It means David can find me too, but there's a down side to everything.
I had thought that there might be another attack, now that Ronan is gone. I can hold my own, but without him with me I don't think I'd stand a chance with all these proxies people talk about. But it's been quiet. A little too quiet for me to trust it. Before, there was this nagging feeling that we were being watched. Even when there was no one following us, when there was no sight of danger, there was a feeling of dread that just loomed over everything. That's gone, and for one reason or another that makes me even more wary.
And I don't get why I'm so worried about Ronan. He can take care of himself. And even if he couldn't, perhaps he deserves this fate. He was there through everything David put me through. He saw what he did to me. He heard Lily cry. He was there when David killed her.
But he didn't do anything. Ronan never tried to stop him.
I feel like I'm on the verge of forgiving him of this. Of letting go all the wrongs he ever did to me, and all the countless wrongs he didn't protect me from. Because it is true that he's changed. I've seen it in his eyes. I see it in everything he does.
This just doesn't seem like something I should ever forgive him for.